Simply Complicated Facts of Life

Kevin Wong Trash the Dress NYC – Part II

It all started with a dress. Kevin and I sat down at the beginning of 2010 craving new experiences, direction and for me the pursuit of finding my place in the world and how to find fulfillment in my life. I decided the best way for me to do that, was to travel. 2010, as declared in a previous blog post, was going to be the year of travel. We thought of ways we could make it unique, and we came across one trip that was already aligned for both of us - the urban jungle of NYC - and decided, "hey we got a wedding dress we're not using - why don't we trash it?" Then we took it a step further and thought, "Trash it? Shoot, why don't we just burn the thing?"

So last blog post I didn’t have the time, energy or thoughtfulness to sit down and write about my experiences in NYC with friends Kevin Wong + John Taing. But now after nearly a month and time to reflect and watch the pieces fall together – I’m ready to put it all down and figure it out.

First of all I must say I have no clue what I’m about to write, as of this point there is no structure in my head to this swarming gauntlet of experiences that have been swirling around me over the past month, but I’m hoping in writing this blog post it will help me begin to make sense of it all and solidify what it is that I’m seeking, the next steps that I am taking. And it all started with a dress.

Without making my past relationship too public for the sake of others – well even myself as that is the one thing that I don’t like to “put out there” even as a stark honest person – There are no details to be given which is funny how I find that everyone has their own version of what happened and more often than not – rumors galore, malicious intent and gossip nature is never true to “what actually happened”. But to be honest, myself and my former partner are the only people I need to answer to and knowing that we hold the truth about it all gives me all the satisfaction that I need to be content with the situation past, presently, and in the future. So let me move on.

It all started with a dress. Kevin and I sat down at the beginning of 2010 craving new experiences, direction and for me the pursuit of finding my place in the world and how to find fulfillment in my life. I decided the best way for me to do that, was to travel. 2010, as declared in a previous blog post, was going to be the year of travel. We thought of ways we could make it unique, and we came across one trip that was already aligned for both of us – the urban jungle of NYC – and decided, “hey we got a wedding dress we’re not using – why don’t we trash it?” Then we took it a step further and thought, “Trash it? Shoot, why don’t we just burn the thing?”

OK, so I know what you’re thinking. When Kevin and I first thought of doing this and when I started telling people I got an array of reactions – from empowerment “you go girl, burn that dress” comments, to shocked “how could you do it? It’s a wedding dress!” comments. I quickly learned how strongly we associate such things, inanimate objects, with concepts and how difficult in our culture it is to disassociate the two – especially about marriage. Two of the strongest symbols in marriage being the ring – the symbol of the binding love, the dress – the symbol of purity and newness. Well a lot of people don’t even wear wedding rings, and the dress no one ever wears again. So is it possible for us to disassociate inanimate objects to a symbol and concept that has been so deeply planted in our culture? Was me burning my dress showing rage to a past life? Was I just looking for attention? Or did it mean nothing to me at all?

So off Kevin, John and I went to the urban jungle of NYC to shoot what turned out to be a pretty epic photo shoot. In the beginning we thought, ”NYC? There’s enough people there they won’t even notice us”. Boy were we wrong…if you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to have 1,000 people staring at you at the same time – walk down 5th Avenue in Manhattan in a wedding dress and you’ll know what it’s like.

We mapped out a loose plan of the places we wanted to hit in the city – Grand Central Station, Bryant Park, Times Square, Top of the Rock / NBC Studios, subway stations, FDNY – the quintessential NYC spots that represented the city. And my favorite (because it’s me) – my only request was that I got to eat a hot dog in the dress.

So there we are in downtown NYC – I jumped into an old wedding dress and off we went. What happened next was nothing of what I expected. Everywhere we went, someone had a look, a comment, a reaction – our simple photo shoot had turned into a massive experiment in human interaction and socialization on the basis of what we choose to put forth meaning to, and the stories we create because of our past experiences. I found out what it feels like to walk into a park and have literally – every single person in the park – turn their head and look at you at the same time with 100 different reactions and emotions shown prominently on their faces. The city of Manhattan is intimidating enough – but this…this was the most self-conscious, overwhelming feeling I have ever felt. From the hooting, hollering, dirty looks, congratulations, conversations, stares, winks, smiles, proposals – you name it – I begun to learn to trust myself in what my intentions are for the world, and to ignore yes – nearly thousands of people in what they thought of me. After awhile, confidently strutting down the sidewalks of Manhattan and yes – even jumping in a fountain in the middle of Bryant Park – seemed like nothing. (I will say, this whole day did take a lot of encouragement and reminders from my good friends Kevin + John that indeed there was nothing to be self conscious about – we slip in and out of consciousness very quickly sometimes!)

I’ve been through a lot in the past two years and especially the last year I felt like I was losing pieces of myself; confidence in myself, faith in myself, trust in myself. Since 2010 began I started to pick up the pieces to who I am but more importantly started to draw the new path for who I want to be and that day I gained a lot of myself back and remembering who that person was. In the final session with Kevin, we went to Golden Gardens out on the beach in the sand – in absolutely pouring down freezing rain. Shivering, drenched, but with an ocean breeze and a quintessential Seattle view, I’d never felt more free and beautiful in my life. It was like the rain brought my soul back, it shook me to my core – and then Kevin and I did the unthinkable – we burned my wedding dress to nothing but ashes.

I didn’t burn my dress to spite anyone, to hurt anyone, to make someone feel something –  even though the photo shoot we did made everyone spanning east-to-west coast who saw it feel something for a split second. I didn’t do it for attention, or because of something I felt – I was not angry, I was not bitter, and I have no hard feelings toward marriage.

I burned my dress to gain myself back. It wasn’t about getting me ready to move on, I already had. It was the closing to a chapter in my life I was ready to end, and opened up the floodgates to many beautiful memories to come. I may have lost my wedding dress that day to fire and smoke, but I gained a whole new life back in a totally unexpected, but brilliant way.

Thank you, Kevin + John for being along on this incredible self-discovery journey both emotionally, but photographically. I love you both for who you are and what you’ve done for me.

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